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My dad just emailed me this huge list of puns oh my god

I changed my iPod's name to Titanic. It's syncing now.

When chemists die, they barium.

Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.

I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time.

I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.

This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down.

I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.

They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a Type-O.

We’re going on a class trip to the Coca-Cola factory. I hope there's no pop quiz.

Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?

Broken pencils are pointless.

I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.

What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.

I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.

All the toilets in New York’s police stations have been stolen. The police have nothing to go on.

I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.

Haunted French pancakes give me the crêpes.

A cartoonist was found dead in his home. Details are sketchy.

The earthquake in Washington obviously was the Government's fault.

Be kind to your dentist. He has fillings, too.

So Meira can see how the murse is being douchey today.

Murse:	You and Kristina are my two best friends in nursing, only people there who I can stand except when you and Kristina act immature and hit and touch people. Besides that I love you guys.
Me:	lmao that was random. But aww marky mark are we like besties ~*
Murse:	If I beat that pussy from behind I think I can straighten that spines of yours out.
Me:	hahahah you're not the first guy to tell me that marky mark.
Murse:	Well you should take my advice, all this time you been trying to get me and now you don't want this deeeeeeoooock
Me:	Lmao it's your own fault, shoulda jumped on this when I was offering but noooope.
Murse:	I'm doing you a favor ;] Anywho, last chance, you have until friday to fuck me
Me:	lmao you're giving me a deadline to fuck you? Sorry Marky Mark, I probably won't change my mind cause I probably won't turn into a dumb girl who fucks guys to get them to like me by Friday..
Murse:	idgi, you crush on me and now you don't wanna fuck. whatever i'm going for dara now.
Me:	lmao, okay Marky Mark, you have fun with that.
Murse:	I will by shlong is big.
Me:	Good for you Mark.
Murse:	Don't play that game, you only bang nerd kids. I was just tryin' to help you out.
Me:	Well you're being a jerk and trying to piss me off by saying you're gonna go fuck Dara and I'm not gonna play into it. You can go fuck whoever you want, go right ahead.
Murse:	I'm gonna try*
Murse:	You don't want me, so why would that piss you off?
Me:	lmao Do you know what having a crush on someone is? Didn't mean I just wanted to fuck you.

the murse is really smooth.

Murse:	Let's fuck
Me:	lmao it's still a really bad idea Mark
Murse:	It was your idea like heeeellllloooo
Me:	I know, but that was before I had a crush on you and I have this weird rule of not fucking guys to try and make them like me
Murse:	Hmm, good plan..
Me:	Not being a dumb girl is usually a pretty good plan.
Murse:	Maturity is key

Normally at this point in the semester #nursing school  #pinning2012  #nurse